Last week was quite a busy one, especially with Chinese New Year. It was just like a usual Sunday family gathering, with a few extra people, and with an earlier starting time. I can't say that it was especially special, but it's still good to talk with some of the uncles, aunties and cousins (and collecting ang pao haha) before going back to Sydney.

I'll be going back really soon, sooner than I'd like. I'm starting to feel the time getting lesser, less time to do things before I have to go back. But I'm taking things one at a time, not trying to think of everything at once and getting overwhelmed. Mindfulness!

Speaking of mindfulness, I hadn't seen my counsellor in a while, it's not that I dislike seeing her, but that I've been bothered by CNY and my previous episode and forgot about her. A professional is helpful to cut to the point and make you see things you never considered, so that's pretty useful. I did see her recently though, she suggested that I try taking up some kind of hobby that involves social interaction when I'm back in Australia, anything new or unfamiliar helps. And I'd have to force myself out of my comfort zone to talk with someone. I could see her point, but I don't know if I'm ready for that. Meanwhile, the medication that the neurologist changed to hasn't been giving me troublesome side effects. Thank God.

Something that comes to mind recently whenever I think of the blog, I spend long amounts of time drafting out these posts, longer than I want. I find that I get stuck often, and when I write, I find it rubbish (I probably even find this section sub-optimal). I get into this cyclical process of writing and going back on what I write. Guess this is what they call "writer's block". Lately I was serendipitously reminded of how to get out of this. It came from a bit of an unexpected source, a book about making music, read by someone who wasn't even reading to me. It said of getting an idea by playing around with your instrument, but recording everything. Every slip, every stumble, every mistake—but also every gem in the rough. With enough toying around, something will come out somewhere, then you can clean up the gems, remove the dirt, because it is easier to remove what is there than what is not. It brought back distant memories of a time I helped my cousin David by composing a minute-long MIDI piece he needed for an assignment. I came home, doodled for 3 hours without looking back, and was done, just like that. It remains an experience I still remember fondly, one of the few times I got into the ever-elusive State of Flow. I miss composition because of that, but music listening and appreciation is a good enough fix for me.

So with that being said, this must've been the 3rd draft or so. Enjoy all of its flaws!

For about 10 days, 17–27 January thereabouts, I was pretty much knocked out again, sleeping most of the time, feeling exhausted, and only remembering scattered bits and pieces. I think this time it's related to the epilepsy medicine I was taking. A few days before I was told to increase my dosage since I was still far from the effective dosage. Either way, I had an appointment recently with the neurologist who prescribed the medicine and he figured my body just wasn't good with the medicine, so we're trying an older kind of medicine with lesser side-effects instead (reportedly only slight nausea, unless I'm allergic to it). He seems pretty certain I have epilepsy or at least something physiological, and I remain skeptical, although it's hard say cos other doctors have stated that he is good.

I also informed my oncologist (a "cancer doctor") and he is curious about my case. There were no such records of a link between my childhood leukaemia and epilepsy so he doesn't believe that my cancer is linked to this somehow.

But enough about that, my birthday was last Sunday! It wasn't too eventful, just mostly well-wishes and food. Not that I'm bummed out about that but I guess I feel too old for gifts? Perhaps food is enough to sate me now. Daniel Tee took me out for a dinner at Ippudo, not a bad Japanese restaurant. Here's a picture for you (I didn't get take a picture of everything as the rest of the items took too long to come):

Wow, a picture on this blog? That's rare.