Sketched Out?

2010-10-25T00:12:00.003+08:00

I'll make this quick... cos I have to sleep.

So today, we passed by NUH again, and we didn't bump into that topic, which is good.

And I think at this point, I'm quite convinced about studying in Australia, an environmental-related course. All this after months of back and forth deliberation between plans. There's an open house this weekend, I'll probably apply then.

So on the way back, I imagined what it'd be like, leaving for a 3-year course. Heh, I remember missing my sister when she left, but never imagined that I'll be the one leaving.

What new sights and sounds will I be hearing? Cultures, people... experiences. How much will things change during the periods I come back?

I could imagine posting a blog post at a measly 10pm, wishing you folks good night as I have to wake up the following day.

Or perhaps, I'll be shown something else.

I can't wait.

Musings

2010-09-04T23:46:00.003+08:00

Why do our conversations always end up depressing every time we go home from Aunty Ros' house?

Oh right, cos we pass by the NUH.

It's rather depressing. I mean, it doesn't affect me at all, but still don't really enjoy hearing it. It's like reading up on WWII; it doesn't affect you on a personal level, but it still is depressing nonetheless. The fact I wasted money; the fact I made people cry. What is my purpose for existence? So far I've just been sapping off money like a leech, with no real purpose to fulfil.

Okay enough with the depressing stuff already. Some random videos on Facebook was enough to snap me out of it.

A colleague suggested I tackle a certain issue: Has the standards of English degraded in this modern age?

Short answer: Yes, it has degraded.

Long answer: Yes. The flexibility of information in this digital age allows us to take liberties with data that is readily accessible. In the past, it took time and money (for materials and service costs) to send information to another, but with the Internet, the aforementioned obstacles become the least of concerns. As a result, people either demand that we keep things as simple as possible for the common, layman reader to understand (and edit it later on if necessary), or mutilate it relentlessly, thus causing a degradation of the language.

I don't even know if I understand the weight of what I just wrote.

Yes, I updated cos my colleagues thought my blog somewhat amusing. So, this post was partially inspired (read: forced) by my colleagues at work. So guys, this one's for you all. :)

Bleagh. OH YES THE GAMEEEEE. Yeah I just lost at the thought of you guys reading.

2010-01-26T16:21:00.002+08:00

I randomly remembered today that this is my birthday week.

Will it turn out to be a good week? I realise that it doesn't quite matter to me actually. It just feels like another normal week. I'm not sure if I should be concerned I think this way.

Today I had this medical checkup, and of course, nothing interesting except one thing. Their height/weight machine says I'm 57.1kg heavy and 161cm tall. My weighing scale still says I'm 54kg. Well, I mean, it's possible I could have gained weight from my last official medical checkup in 2008, but shrinking 4 centimetres doesn't sound very believable. The doctor told me "not to worry about that". I guess he's referring to the machine. I HOPE.

Now I have to focus on more critical matters. This blog does not fall in that category, so expect me to forget about this blog for quite a while. I need to cut down on stuff to focus on other things for now.

2010

2010-01-07T22:55:00.005+08:00

Sorry.

I shouldn't get too used to not writing blog posts. It's not that I was lazy, just that, I just don't feel like blogging. I wouldn't say there was much to blog about... *runs away from the angry mob of debaters bringing up Christmas and New Year*

Yeah, Christmas and New Year was good, more events, more change, it helped that there were holidays from NS. I needed that variety in life once in a while. But I guess I couldn't help but feel that 2009 could have been so much more. It gave me a mixed feeling of want and regret. Still, I should be thankful as it is probably one of the more pivotal years in my life.

And so I exit 2009 and enter 2010, fearfully, but excitedly. With hopes of a fresh start. The past year (along with some of 2008) has shown me the kind of person I want to become, and it has been a quick, drastic change. Almost like when modernism came in for society, it progresses society forward, yet it brings a nostalgic longing for the old times. I have a tinge of sadness but just like modernism, it is inevitable, but it is essential to progression. I would imagine the normal person to have transitioned from a youthful mentality to an adult's slowly, but maybe I am wrong. I should be wrong... surely others have felt this kind of feeling I feel too.

Anyhow, improving myself to be who I want to be to others, finding new interests, making new friends, strengthening ties, expanding my horizons. I also need to get close to God again.

2010 feels like it's gonna be a wild ride.

A (Somehow Surprisingly) Tiring Weekend

2009-12-13T23:08:00.002+08:00

Hi guys,

This weekend has been awfully tiring for some apparent reason. Perhaps because so many things happened at a time that could have drained out my energy levels, like the wedding. Cheryl's and Daniel's weeding. It was nice and all, though I did feel that the speaker (Dr. Tow) who was supposed to give the exhortation to the couple, made it more of an anti-homosexuality sermon; a sermon completely irrelevant to the couple who have already made a proper marriage... I don't want to comment much about it at this point (cos I don't feel like giving off a hostile vibe at the moment).

Then it went on to the evening dinner, where I had to emcee along with cousin Kenneth (him doing the harder, Chinese version). Of course I thought it would just be a going over of scripts but silly me, this was a big event with a dinner and items by other people other than me. Thought it would be like a poly project presentation, but it was not to be. However, I did relearn some things I have forgotten, like not to write a script on cards, but to write point forms since it works better for me. Too late, so I had to adapt here and there, but overall it was fine. The flaws are only visible to the creators, while everyone else was giving me unjustified praise. It was a learning experience.

By the time we reached home, it was already close to 12am. I waited for my turn to use the toilet and whilst doing so, felt so tired that I had to take a nap. So I eventually used the toilet at maybe 1am (it's all hazy here) and then went to sleep.

Woke up to a splitting headache at around 730am. The headache's epicentre at my right side and; shaking my head, the pain extended to the lower central parts of my brain. Subsequent shakes of the head weren't so bad though... dunno why. It eventually got better the rest of the day but I was mostly relatively drowsy throughout the whole day.

I had better go sleep now. Nice to have a change of weekend. Back to normal now... oh wait, next weekend might not be so normal. Agh... I feel both anticipation and dread, but mostly anticipation. :)

More Blahblahblahs

2009-12-01T23:08:00.002+08:00

Today I ate Japanese food, not too bad for its price but well, I don't get to eat it a lot so I savour every moment anyways. Buffet. Just stuffing up as much as possible, but I couldn't eat as much as I thought, somehow. I blame it on my sore throat that seemed to have developed in the morning and my eventual sneezing and blocked nose. At least I'm keeping it in check, but I hope I don't get sick tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will be flying in a Chinook for the second time! The first time was last Wednesday. Fun ride, though the occasional dips were rather uncomfortable. Still, it's a nice ride. When you're riding in one, you realise how fast it can go. When you're an external viewer, somehow it doesn't look that fast. Haha, I sound like I'm talking about relativity, but in the reverse (I could be wrong; I'm not entirely clear with my understanding of relativity).

And now I have other pressing matters to return to, like sleep. Oh, yeah.

Oops! I did it again.

I forgot my blog.

Got myself to blame.

Oh baby, baby

Oops! You thought I was dead.

Somehow lost my hay-ay-ay-aed.

I'm just that amnesic.

I keep thinking of more. Help me, I don't want to make a full parody of this song, and I don't want to sing it if given the choice (Erinn is probably right, I may end up singing it, if I can... hahaha)!

Oops!... I did it again.

2009-11-09T21:18:00.003+08:00

I forgot my blog.

Got myself to blame.

Oh b-... ok let's stop this rubbish.

Thanks to Erinn for reminding me to blog. Between then and now, I have been visiting my blog once in a while to see if there was any comment to comment on. A few times, maybe 2 times a week, then after that, I'd reconsider blogging and I decide not to. Then now I realise I should be writing something before it becomes a relic again.

Well let's see, in the workplace, things are changing. I don't know if I can say specifics out loud since we want it to be transparent to the public, so I'll just keep it at that. Lots of unlearning and relearning to do, I don't know if things are turning out for the better or worse. Most are thinking worse, but I'm not too sure. I think it's about the same, if you just substitute this for that. And so basically, my last few days at work were mostly about familiarization than doing actual work. It worries me a LOT. I'm scared of the workload...

I know that between then and now, I did think of rather interesting things to blog about, but I skipped it. Now here I am, with nothing in mind when I'm doing the actual blogging.

The year is coming to an end. My NS will end soon too (yes it will, so shush). And time suddenly seems to be rushing on. Not like back then when we were all kids. Time was slow and a luxury. Now it's racing fast. I am afraid, but still feel somewhat confident things will be alright. Confident fear. Fearful confidence. Choose one. I choose the 2nd.

Actually, I don't even know if I'm making any sense at this point. Hahaha.

2009-10-19T20:56:00.002+08:00

I wanted to blog something yesterday night, but my splitting headache discouraged me from doing so. The whole of today, I've been trying to figure out what was that thing I wanted to blog. I still remember nothing about it. Even linking the conversations I had just before going home didn't help. It's quite sad because I remember feeling a bit pumped up about writing it. I know it's an opinion-related topic... I think.

Anyway, today was quite a day. Woke up a bit late; and when that happens, time would snowball. Basically almost everything was so perfectly timed such that I had to rush in order to catch something. Work was as usual, rushing up stuff in order to fix what we can in the limited amount of time before the system crossover. Going home was quite the same as going to work. Had to dash a bit just to catch whatever transport I had to take. Just before my stop, the bus driver jammed the brakes at the last minute of the red lights and everyone literally jumped out of the seats for that moment. Someone dropped his books and I was using my left hand's four fingers to grip on a small gap. Thankfully that gap existed or else I would probably end up flying into someone (probably the ezlink card checker). Thankfully no one got hurt.

Air Conditioning vs the Internet

2009-10-14T21:22:00.006+08:00

Hi. Today, I'm about to break from the usual chatter of my own life and go on a different direction. Kind of like I tended to do back then I guess. It's more like the chatter of what went on in my mind today.

Today on my way back home, I heard a bit of a conversation between a teen and an mid-old age woman. They both don't know each other, yet the boy really warmed up to her conversation. I wasn't near enough to catch a lot, but they did bring up something about the convenience of the Internet.

It made me think about what a teacher said that Lee Kuan Yew said about the air con. That it was possibly the greatest invention of the 20th century. Then I thought about it, and despite the air con's longer running history, the Internet probably did better.

The modern air con was invented around the early 1900s and entered homes in around 1950. It helped to regulate temperature and humidity in an enclosed space, helping workforces combat heat that is detrimental to productivity. It also helps us manage seasons of heat.

The Internet started around the late 1950s and was originally intended to be an information array for the US to fight against Russia's technological advances. Nobody knew it would become such a worldwide phenomenon 40 years later. It improved information transfer to the point of literally having information at one's fingertips.

Both inventions have made great contributions to the modern world today, but I'll go into why I think the Internet is no contest compared with the air con. I could start by saying that the air con brought more people indoors, which created other problems like sick building syndrome, but the same argument could go to the Internet as well, so I won't use this argument.

Imagine two parallel modern-day universes; one without the Internet, one without the air con. The one without the Internet would just be like today, at the workplace, there may be no email, but there probably will be in an Intranet. Not much will be different, except for the obvious lack of information each people from each country might suffer from. Possibly the only good thing that comes from this is that you don't face the little annoying things that come along with the Internet, like annoying people (or people acting annoying) or chain mails and false information. You don't have to manage viruses and all, you may spend more time outside or watching TV since there's not much point using the computer except for work or playing games (by yourself, which is a boring and antisocial thing to do), which is probably a good thing for the well-being of human health.

Then we look at a world without the air con. We would have open windowed environments instead of enclosed spaces. Generally we would all die of heat here in Singapore, but of course, dying is just a figure of speech since our ancestors survived without air conditioning. However, the concept of information at your fingertips just overwhelms the concept of climate control. With the Internet, we have super fast data transfer in the form of emails, instant messaging, websites; and data retrieval from search engines, wikis... I wouldn't be here sharing this information right now in this alternate universe. It gave a new generation an easier, earlier and more detailed exposure to different cultures, genres; opening each others' minds up, helping everyone to understand each other from different nations. Besides, I'm guessing with all these things encouraging people to use computers more, someone would eventually have thought of controlling climate in a room, then the Internet would help out in information retrieval and dissemination.

This is why; despite the Internet's relatively young history, I think that it is no comparison for the air con. Lee Kuan Yew probably said that a long time ago, so he probably took back his earlier words already (or my teacher might be vastly misinformed).

The random ramblings of a crazy mind.

Quick Week

2009-10-01T23:07:00.001+08:00

Hello again, my friends!

This week has dashed by relatively quickly, yet it has been quite an eventful week.

Something happened on Monday... but I forgot...

Tuesday, I remembered that I should blog about Monday, but I left work late, had stuff done like cut hair and nails and all then I forgot. By the time I remembered, I just felt like unwinding instead of writing something here.

Wednesday was the slowest day of the week. I was the only perm staff manning my side and it was surprisingly calm. However, everyone in the office felt like the day moved by so slowly...

Today was relatively fast. I was once again the only perm staff manning my side, but the first half of the day was so hectic with all the callers calling in about their application statuses and an disgruntled parent which I thankfully didn't have to handle much. Files being requested here and there; work to do, then I was reminded that we had a course to attend today. Had to eat lunch in 20 minutes and the course lasted the whole afternoon till evening. Then got a call and had to grab some documents to give someone. Fortunately, I got a ride back so I didn't have to face the final wave of crazy commuters. Then reached home, worked on something briefly, and now I'm here.

1145PM. Time to sleep. I've been sleeping for maybe 4 hours the past 4 days. Tomorrow is already Friday. That's gooooood.

(P.S. I really gotta keep to my blog timings. I think I'll ignore the Sunday schedule. I'll just blog as often as possible. Oh, and goodbye again, my friends!)

2009-09-23T22:14:00.003+08:00

Blah, I'm sorry. Things get in the way so much, distractions here and there, that you forget you have a blog to maintain.

I'd like to continue a bit about my NS life:

Basically over time, I came to realise that recruitment jobs like these are never easy. You have lots of people wanting to apply and you have to make sure you don't leave them waiting too long. Apparently some career fair events passed by and I was too obsessed to finish up some difficult applications, that I forgot about keeping up with new applications. Learning from that mistake, I made another mistake; leaving behind the difficult applications pending. And now the system we are using is about to be upgraded. Everything learnt will have to be unlearned and relearned. Currently, I'm rushing to clear up as much rubbish as I left behind, while balancing my attention with the new applications coming in.

However, I have come to like my position. I have the opportunity to visit schools, interact with people, eat lunches that aren't the same cookhouse stuff, and more. It may not appear as a very good position to be in to other people, but I guess it's all about perspective and what you make of every situation in life.

NS, for most guys, feels like 2 years in a cryo-chamber; 2 years of your time in life, frozen. But if you think about it, it can parallel life. There are similarities. It's all about the perspective.

I don't really feel like writing further now. I don't mean to sound insightful or anything with this blog post, nor did I intend on the continuation of NS to sound like this. It's just that I stumbled upon a blog this night and it made me feel... I don't know what, but it obviously changed the tone of this particular post.

I'll see you on Sunday.

My Life Story 2

2009-09-08T21:40:00.002+08:00

I was supposed to post on Sunday, but it slipped my mind. But don't worry, the next one would supposedly come on a Sunday so there's a lesser time to wait between this post and the next!

Actually, I don't plan for this post to be very long, mainly because I'm kind of tired now. And actually, I can't recall much noteworthy things after NS already... there was a musical held by church about family where I helped (because I fell into Wendell's psychological trap). Us crew members were supposed to appear at the end to deliver a final song and apparently, I couldn't find my shoe in time so I never appeared on stage. Later I learnt that it was shifted somewhere else so too bad. Haha.

Then there was church camp. I can't seem to remember much, but I do remember it was in KL, which was a much better place than Malacca. It was a good camp, but sadly I can't say I absorbed a lot from it. As in applying it in daily life. Which is a waste... I should really go about seeing my notes again. Oh and I remember there was some mind and body workshop that seemed quite zen-like. The speaker some guy who looks influenced by the overseas... no idea who is he... but I dunno if that course was kind of overboard with zen-like appearances. Either way, most of the time I wasn't quite concentrating so he was difficult to understand. And the notes he gave us were powerpoint slides so it didn't help much.

Got a bit stuck, so I tried taking a 3 minute nap but I failed. Just woken by my dad. It's only until now that I realised, I actually had a bit more to talk about NS, but I'll leave it to this Sunday's post. It's late and I don't want to stay up thinking now.

My Life Story (Cheesy title much? Blearghhh)

2009-08-31T21:18:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking about this for a while already. Blogging at fixed days/intervals. So for now, I plan to blog at least once a week (probably every Sunday). Maybe it might grow to become 3 times a week, but for now, settle with this. And so our story continues......

So I went to the Christmas musical.

Actually I've seen most of the rehearsals the weeks before I went to Tekong, so there was no new surprises for me. The actual day just went real smoothly. I don't even remember if anything went wrong on that day already. And yes, someone with real skills acted perfectly on that day (I'm talking about Eddie). Although personally, I think it was more of luck than skil-/shoot

Then Christmas celebration at my house. I don't quite remember much of it except that it was memorable. Oops, contradiction! I mean, I don't remember much of it but some things were memorable... but overall I can't remember much detail... sorry. Haha, I just went round in circles with this topic... I really can't seem to get anything out of it though.

Oh yes, before that, the NS story isn't finished. So the following Monday after BMT, I was posted to CMPB, along with my buddy and a few other people. So we met and all and gathered at the Careers Centre. Waited for a long while (maybe like 15 minutes) then we were all moved into the auditorium. There were more people than I had imagined. I thought only a few people would be around but I guess when you combine an entire company of four platoons, there will be quite a number.

We were given forms to fill, talking about what skills and qualifications we possess. Much like a job application form. Then we were told that we would be interviewed in threes. So yup, we all waited and waited and waited. I actually don't recall ever going downstairs to eat but theoretically, it should have happened. Eight in the morning to three in the afternoon; finally, it was my turn, along with two others of course. I did my normal "being an interviewee" routine. One guy was unusually quiet. Very very quiet. The other just could not give answers as long as mine. Then I was suddenly asked if I would be okay doing a job involving lots of numbers. I took it up. After the interview, more waiting......

When all was done, it was about 5pm. At this point we already knew that this place wasn't our final posting, that we would be posted somewhere else, since a few people already received their postings and have gone straight to their respective locations. I was hoping for Paya Lebar Air Base. David was posted there and it sounded like a nice place, mainly because it was close to home. My buddy got the location, I got CMPB. My workplace was the Careers Centre; the very same place that I had the interview. It was kind of a double whammy for me since I had my hopes up of getting a good posting a few times already (like in BMT and in CMPB). I was then given a brief tour around the office, and my upperstudy was kind of surprised that I became his understudy, since we kind of knew each other beforehand, and the chances of being his understudy were as remote as 1 out of a whole company of about 160 people. The tour was short, since it was so close to office closing hours that it went by instantly.

I have no idea how many were posted back to CMPB. There was another person who was in my platoon that was posted back to CMPB as well, but he was in a different building. I also learnt later on during my time in NS of another in my company that was posted to the medical side to draw blood from his victims, so I have no clear number how many came back to this faraway place... well at least far away for me.

And so begins my NS life, in the Air Force Recruitment Centre.

Interlude

2009-08-24T00:20:00.003+08:00

Hi.

I would like to have updated something tonight, but some stuff cropped up and I couldn't find the time.

So this is just to say that, an update is imminent. I'm not dead. Updates may come once a month, but I'm hoping to change that soon.

I may stick to a semi-regular schedule of updating, but I probably will do that after fixing up the time capsule. I already know there's problems with it for very long. I just haven't quite found a solution yet.

Good night (or rather, good morning).

I have to stop disappearing...

2009-07-26T18:11:00.006+08:00

Hey guys. Yep I disappeared again. I have no idea how many people I'm talking to with this post though but I'll just pretend there's a nice figure. Anyways, I am here to finish up what I started. Go read 19/03/09's post. I'm continuing from there.

Ok, NS. 151208 (15th December 2008 for all you noobs). The night before, I packed up and checked that I had everything. Before I turned off my computer to enter dreamland, I felt worried, but for no reason at all. I shouldn't feel worried at all. I was graded PES E (medically unfit) so I would not have to do much activity, but I still had no idea at the time why I was worried. It would only be a 5 day thing...

So tomorrow morning came and we went to Pasir Ris Interchange, a little late. My parents and Julia took leave to see me off; not like it'd be such a big deal but I didn't mind the company anyway. At this point I realised I packed too much I guess. All the other recruits about me; I had no idea what medical condition they were in.

So we took the ferry over to the "island resort" that is Pulau Tekong and then we split ways. They had to go through probably some briefing on measures taken for recruits' safety and us recruits had to do some swearing in practice and whatever blahblahblah nonsensical nonsense. Then we went into a lecture auditorium. Then our family/friends came in. Then some showcase of NS history with patriotic (American militaristic) music playing in the background. Blahblahblahblah. Yadayadayadayada. Oh, "don't worry, your son won't be going thru all that in the video"... well we already figured that out. Then the swearing in blahblahblahblahgh. Then go and eat. Food was nice. Western style. Then marching off while our visitors waved and said their goodbyes.

Ok I'll pause here for a moment to say that I do realise that I'm beginning to drag this story with all my "then"s and all, but you either bear with me or not. I don't want to stay here taking forever to come up with ostentatious storytelling. Go take a break at this point or something. I'll be taking one.

...

Ok I'm back. The first day begins. Made friends and all. Got to know which division we were posted to (air, land or sea). I was hoping for air, then they passed me the air force crest. Man it was nice. They were saying how good it was for me to get into the air force. I knew it was good already! So they passed us all our duffel bags with our stuff inside and tried them out. Everything fit well for me, thanks to my mum's powerful measuring skills; although I did regret later on for not changing some stuff with the tailors, but all in all, I'm happy with it. Then basically well, I can't quite remember, but I do remember around the afternoon, we had to shave our heads.

So we gathered at a shelter, with a few chairs already placed in front of us. Then BZZZZZzzzzttttTTTttt and $2 gone. So it wasn't so bad, but first thing that came to mind when seeing myself in the mirror: cancer patient. After everyone was done, we all had to fall in and well, I reckon most got lost. With the sudden lack of hair as a human identification point, it was difficult to determine our friends that we made earlier on (unless if you were wearing specs).

Before I continue, I should make it known that I am recalling the key points of BMT, so there's a lot of details missing. Just remember that the rest of the time, it's probably area cleaning/sleeping, basic marching drills, area cleaning, national education, area cleaning, sleeping, area cleaning, marching off to lunch and eating lunch, marching back, area cleaning, supposed fall in at 1300, false alarm, sleeping, area cleaning, dinner, area cleaning, clean up, routine order, lights out. That's probably one of the days. Alright so with that aside, I can skip straight to the second last day. We get our postings.

There were some people who were interviewed. They "knew how to use Microsoft Excel and Word and whatnot stuff I forgot". Some got their postings early, and grieved at the fact they have to go back to Tekong as their posting. I got mine near the end, along with lots of other people. Central Manpower Base. Blah. I hoped for Paya Lebar Air Base. So much nearer. Oh well, at least my buddy was posted there with me too. Actually, lots of others were posted there too. Cool!

Then we went home, technically one day before we were supposed to go home. Supposed to be Saturday afternoon, but Friday afternoon instead. Well it wasn't uncommon for this to happen. The people in charge of the company are probably so bored that they can't do anything and hope for an early release, which they usually get unless if it's near public holidays. Somehow, Christmas didn't affect that.

Then I went to the Christmas musical. :)

I will still continue with catching up on my life story. I realise that I may not have an audience, but I will probably be reading this years down the road, so if I don't blog for others to read, I'm going to blog for MYSELF and ME ALONE. Go selfish me.

I'm back

2009-05-10T23:45:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm back again. Since there's nothing else for me to do except sleep, I thought I might as well find something to do so that I won't sleep. So I came back here. Well honestly, I'm feeling quite tired so I might not take very long. Let's just go over the day for now, shall we? (You don't have a choice)

Today was an interesting day in church. I had to play the organ, and more than usual. Usually I'd play the three response hymns (the invocation, offertory response and benediction) just for practice but I've played them enough to recall them straight from my muscles already. Today, I had to play a hymn, Amazing Grace. I first thought it would be a fitting funeral piece for my relationship with the organ.

Well, I actually played it to Pastor Quek the week before. It was scary, cos I knew he came from a musician's background (he wanted to be a professional pianist) and he should have high standards. He thought I played well. Well enough for the service. Today, it was okay, not many hiccups. Ironically, I practiced more for another song, the offertory song (not to be confused with offertory response, this song plays while the offering bags are passed around).

It was an optional thing. I didn't have to play the offertory, but I chose to anyway. I knew I probably couldn't learn a hymn in time, so I quipped up my own arrangement of O the Deep Deep Love of Jesus, scaling the song to my playing capabilities. In the actual performance today, I screwed up some parts so it ended up a little improvised, which was kind of dissapointing, because no one heard the real version I practiced for. I also repeated a section of the song when I should have ended, so it left everyone waiting, but that isn't so great an issue.

All in all, the organ thing went well.

Then in the afternoon, we went for the usual lunch, went to the clubhouse. Did nothing much but take a few funny videos. Then I got tortured to insanity. I can't be bothered to explain now. Haha, don't feel like explaining too.

I'm so tired. Tomorrow must wake up 5 am. It's already Monday. 0006 HRS. I am going to dieeeeeeeeeee. Ok good night.

Hi there...

2009-03-19T21:20:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time... looks like I really went overboard when I said "This update, however, may be around for a long time".

Well what can I say besides sorry? Ah but then again, I'm saying that to a small group of people anyway. They'd forgive me without my apology. I know once I say this, people will come and say otherwise, but it's set in their minds already; they already forgave me.

Oh right, I went off track... now back to the original question... hmmm, right. I could just recall whatever happened since that typical Sunday night that is the 11th of May 2008.

............

Okay, I don't have that great a memory, but I'll try... at least the eventful times.

June - Church Camp '08. It was a great trip to a lousy Malaysian hotel (no joke, I even forgot its name... Everly Resort?). Haha, nonetheless... it was a good camp. It's about the time spent with God. Time spent with friends.

Oh and I just remembered that, halfway through the camp, I had to go back to Singapore to do my Electone practical exam. I think I ever talked about an Electone practical exam on my blog before, and in similar fashion to that previous post, I won't elaborate much on that issue.

And now, for some reason, I cannot recall anything noteworthy at the moment. Must be the lack of sleep.

Okay, somehow I remembered there was a YD retreat. Maybe it was in May but it could be in June too. During night games, I went to the torture chamber so David went to "kill" me. After that event, we talked about the current state of YF torture chambers during one of those idle moments in poly when you're waiting for your next class and had nothing to do other than use your trusty lappie. That's when we proposed to change torture chamber back to when it "used to be fun to enter". So we did it in YD camp (all these camp names are confusing eh?) and it was good.

Well... to be honest, as I think about the rest of the months, they're all a mish-mash of events. I can't pinpoint everything so I'll just ditch the entire month classification thingy.

Graduated in August, worked a little in Wendell's Japanese cafe (man somehow I miss eating lunch there everyday... somehow I never got tired of it), worked a little in CK Paragon (a very very little time), then NS beckoned. Ok now this is something worthy enough for it's own paragraph.

Umm, you know what? I think I'll leave this for another day. I'm just too tired to go on. Sorry guys (and gals, if there exists any)...

Another overdue update

2008-05-11T23:42:00.009+08:00

I thought now would be a good time to blog: just before I go off to bed... let's start with last Thursday (8th May, or if you make Sunday the last day of the week, then this Thursday)... it was rather tiring, but thankfully it is usually the last day of my school week. As I went home, something prompted me to do some introspection... I don't remember what was that thing that triggered it... it made me think a lot of my past self, and it made me realise things I never realised about myself before... it made me sad... honestly, it was rather depressing.
I was a complete and utter fool to do something that messed up the rest of my life.
I went straight to the church for the skit rehearsal for the Parents' Nite Banquet. Apparently I ended up doing nothing. Big Jon called me to come but it was apparently a waste of time. Fortunately, the presence of friends (and some family) helped lifted up my mood... if I didn't turn up, you may be reading an earlier, more depressing blog post now. I actually forgot some of the depressing things I thought of earlier... so thanks to everyone. (I mean it in a good way; not sarcastically)
I wish I could restart all over again.
Friday, Seoul Garden buffet. Me, Eddie, Kfong. We ate to death, but Eddie could still go on... I never figured he was the marathon eater. Apparently we couldn't even eat dinner afterwards, except Kenneth... I don't get how he still could eat dinner...
I don't mean nor want to be "melancholic" (as Sheri puts it), but I will probably continue to be...
On Saturday, the actual Parents' Nite Banquet. I just marshaled traffic. There were lots of empty car spaces (11 were left, if you wanted to know), and most people keep going straight ahead, or park elsewhere instead of parking at our church basement carpark... I guess they thought they were late and had no hope of finding a space. I heard that the actual dining portion of the event went well. Thank God.
...until everything is resolved.
Now I'm really burnt out on what to write. I keep feeling the need to rewrite something... but I just don't know. I probably have to end soon. I apologize for the low frequency of updates to anyone who still reads (I wonder how many is that)... I would like to update more often, but then again, too many updates spawn lazy readers. I know that myself. This update, however, may be around for a long time, due to the fact that I would like to concentrate on other more important matters like school, school, school and work and recreation and play. Haha, don't try to understand that because it doesn't make sense.

Why I started blogging...

2008-04-02T19:36:00.003+08:00

I don't know.

If you came here for an answer, that's the answer, I don't know.

Looking back, it started when my friend created his own blog, so I followed. I'm not sure the motives of my crazy 15 year old brain back then... maybe it seemed cool at that time... I don't know...

Over the years, it has been a platform for useless topics and rants, things that cannot be said in a sentence or a session, things I had to go home to think about before talking about... and it probably grew on me as a platform for self-expression. Honestly, I'm surprised I even got this far in blogging... because I'm not supposed to be here any more.

Why do I not update as often as I would? Simply this: no one reads. It says a lot. I believe that throughout the whole life of my blog, the maximum readership I ever had at any point of time was probably about four people. There may be more, but of course there's no way I can find out since some would not want their presence to be known. People just do not seem to want to use their browser effectively... but I shouldn't say too much, since I've already stopped bookmarking other peoples' blogs. I guess it's not worth my time reading them any more.

I am not ranting now, even though it may seem like it. I am just going about my normal blogging routine. Writing stuff I like to write about, things I probably am thinking about putting down somewhere to possibly dig up and read again. Then when time passes, I go back and laugh at my juvenile self. I'm guessing that if I'm going to read this for myself, I might as well take my time to write it. :)

And so... the Chinese New Year ends...

2008-02-09T23:00:00.001+08:00

... not with a bang... but silently.

It has been a very eventful cny for me this year... but it's ending is so abrupt. Nothing major happened, nothing changed... except maybe for my desk but otherwise, everything else is unchanged. It gives me a sense of longing for something more... something I'm not even sure what. Possibly old times that will never resurface, or something intangible...

Occasionally I find myself thankful for the things I have, but I feel so helpless at the fact that I can't control much whatever goes on in my life...

I wish things could've turned out differently, but they will never. Blah, I need to stop looking at the past...

Happy Birthday to me...

2008-02-01T18:23:00.002+08:00

That's right, it's my birthday. Envy my nice looking muffin!

Oh wait, did I just make that for myself? Crap... that is so saddeningly pathetic...

My Artistic Side (along with some boring stuffs)?

2008-01-25T08:08:00.001+08:00

Blah, I know it's been a long time since I last blogged... just not much to blog I guess...

Ah ok, there's Christmas... it was great. Everyone came to my house, as usual. It was all good seeing everyone.

Then new years, great too. 2007 has been quite a blast... I dare say, a supernova.

And then I'm 20. More specifically, I'm 20 in 6 days time. No more a teen anymore... but well, at least I'm still young.

I've been considering whether the perception of myself being a mathematical, logic-oriented, scientific character is all a fraud... or "not the path I should be taking". Perhaps I really am more to the artistic side? In this year, I will be facing up with that heavily ignored side of me, again.

I remember my earliest recollections of my "artistic" adventures back in primary school. There was this school garden I drew... and it was possibly my best work; ignoring the fact that the proportions were all off; due to the level of detail and attention I paid to it. Then there was this ugly, flat building I drew a few years later. The teacher looked at it, inquired whether I drew this myself, then responded that I should not stop drawing... I didn't see what so great about that picture... I guess he liked the details... but guess what? I stopped (predictable). Well, this will give me something to add in my blog...

Oh and yes, I do play the Electone, but you know I'm talking about the physical art that appears in 2 dimensions.

The clock's ticking away...

2007-11-28T21:41:00.000+08:00

I am scared of the music exam tomorrow...

I fear those doors with those vault-like handles. So cold and unfeeling. The sense of being alone in that room, with the paper in my hands. The unpredictable paper; the paper of random outcomes, full of tadpole like etches dancing on lines of five, containing an art which spans only the forth dimension, time.

Time is an interesting thing. It acts in relative ways based on different people.

I was nervous the previous night that I probably took an hour to sleep (last time and only time I checked, 45 minutes passed). I can't imagine how long I'd take to sleep today.

It's funny how last year, I wasn't so prepared, but I felt a little ignorant, and the ignorance negated this pre-examination fear, but this time, I'm more prepared; I'm better than I was last year, but somehow I feel more afraid of the unpredictable factors.

Either way, I'll have to give it my best shot... and leave the rest all up to God.

The Long Overdue Post

2007-11-22T23:51:00.000+08:00

Hi again,

I haven't updated in over a month... well that's because of the amount of work that was loaded onto me... that is if you don't count the gap between the last blog post and the crunch time that I didn't spent to make a blog post... and the other times when I was more free and was playing instead of making a blog post. Ah er, yes I have been rather busy.

Every poly semester, there is at least one crunch period when everything falls into one singularity, compressed within a short amount of time. I have only my teachers to blame... and my laziness. I think that I may be facing more crunch periods in the months to come... I just hope I don't fall into the event horizon and get crushed by the singularity... um, ok that made little sense... I guess I was trying to be corny but I can't.

Let's see what to blog... hmmm. Well I dug out my old tablet and it's quite fun to draw stuff on the computer with! Seems like I may be using it for the fun of it. :)

I remember one time I saw this insane thing on the way to school. I was just taking the 317 and saw a lorry go onto the opposite side of the road by accident, right beside my bus. It wasn't scary, just surprising... let my "artistry" explain...

Alright, so I can't really draw, but you can visualise the situation. He thought that he was going towards the correct lane, but by mistake went to the wrong one due to the funny shape of this junction (which my artistry fails to demonstrate). Thankfully no one was hurt. And I have no idea what happened to the lorry after that.

Hmm, I guess I don't have much else to say now except I have to sleep now. Goodnight.

Interesting day today

2007-10-14T00:28:00.000+08:00

Now that's a rare thing to happen; me having interesting days.

So today started when I woke up at I can't remember what time but it doesn't seem too early. I already knew we were going Sim Lim to get some stuff. However we got kinda late... and I was hoping to be able to reach YF in time but I couldn't in the end... I was 2 hours late...

Anyway, so we went Sim Lim, Elsie picked up what she needed and we managed to get the router that I had recommended to replace. Then we were also looking for a graphics card, but as expected, it was sold out... I sourced this graphic card about a week earlier and I expected it to be gone this week because... computer geeks like me would grab these offers fast. But just as we started leaving, my dad and sis said we might as well try this shop. So this shop doesn't look that great, but I just went to ask the shop owner, and he didn't have it... but he had another graphics card which he recommended. He said it was on an offer just recently and that I'll be shocked at the price. I saw 7600GS, S$145. Whoa... this card is better than what I was originally looking for and it was slightly higher in price, but it is a good deal, since these cards usually sell at S$200 to S$300. So today we snatched a good deal...

Then well by then I was half an hour late for YF. We still had lunch to eat. One hour late. Then eat and walking back fast because of the drizzling and impending rain, reaching to church. Two hours late.

Went inside the main sanctuary and they were finishing introducing each others' YF activities and such (from what I assume). Looks like if I was early I might've been bored... I dunno. Then station games were fun, but I was kinda blur a lot. There was dinner and just playing soccer erm I mean football. Haha Pokemon football... ahem... then a little floorball... basically everyone was playing their own stuff (there was captain's ball).

Oh yeah I nearly forgot about the mini-message. It was interesting to see such a crowd. Really makes you feel nice to see other youths that believe in the same thing. Well... I can't really say the same thing, but at least it's interesting to see YFs from different BP churches.

It's getting late now, I better go sleep.

What a day...

2007-10-07T22:54:00.000+08:00

Today is just a tiring day... I'm not exactly sure why...

I'm probably going to be hitting the bed soon. I'm just too tired to do other things. Tomorrow, begins the first day of the last week of work. It's quite fast when I look back...

I don't sound excited... that's because I am not. After this, school starts again. I feel cheated of my holidays. Well I guess it's somewhat better than actually going to work since school's rarely 8 to 6.

Well let's see what's there to be said... nothing much actually, except that a Korean was defeated in 3 games of Starcraft. Impossible...

Oh yeah, Sheri dragged me into joining Facebook. Honestly, I find it exactly like a Friendster with many more features. Obviously that must've made it far ahead of both Friendster and Myspace. I don't know exactly why I don't want to buy into these kinds of things... like why I left my dead Friendster account like a book that keeps falling on the floor every time I put it back on the table... alright that wasn't a very good analogy, but you understand I just said I leave it inactive. I'm thinking it's because of... peer influence... more like relative-peer influence (no idea if there's such a term for that)?

It's like the days of Pokemon, where it was seen as a kind of fad thing, and no one wants to be a part of it. It is obviously good, but people ignore that fact. Then when I tried it, I bought into it, and David and some others realised that it was actually something good. Same thing's happening for facebook... it's like... being seen as a fad. I know it's something good, but... I just can't seem to buy into it... I actually do fancy the idea of being able to use it, but will it work out well?

Anyway, I gotta go sleep soon... I'll probably be adding more links in... but the main problem is what/whose links I should put in...

Whyyy?

2007-10-01T00:16:00.000+08:00

We went back from family gathering and we were talking about when we were young. My parents recalled the sad past that has passed me by, that I was (almost) totally oblivious to. Even though I don't remember most of it, and it doesn't appear to affect me in my subconscious memory, I just can't seem to take this heart-wrenching tale... no, real-life account. When we reached home, I just for some reason didn't want to hear anymore.

It made me sad. Why did I have to be around, to cause so much grief... pain, loss. A burden to so many. To steal everything from everyone. To be a liability... and I had to stay here to feel the hardships of this place...

Why did I have to exist?

And then I am reminded; I live because of a reason. There is a reason God didn't take me, and I must know that reason, and live for it.

Please help me all the way...

Starting... anew...

2007-09-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

Finally, the move to blogspot is complete!

Well so what has happened so far? Hmm... ~~holidays~~ attachment started. The company is just somewhat crazy... first day of work, the HR just helped us to our positions, and it turns out that me and another girl has been posted to the commercial department, and they're working on the lawsuit the company is in (wha?) so that makes us busier than our other 2 friends who can move around and have to photocopy or sort things out while we slave away on a chair the whole day. Yes, the company is all messed up too. I think end of October they'll be going back to their country (they're a Swedish company) and another contractor might take over the work.

Speaking of which, the company is working on the Circle Line. Apparently they've done about 95% of the work already so we don't have to go site visits and stuff. The other 5% is being delayed thanks to some concrete company and a lawsuit or something. It's already a month into attachments and I still am confused.

Anyway, I'm glad that this is finally done... the site kind of represents a kind of change in my life. Apparently I'm occasionally haunted by the past I left behind. I need strength... from God...

Well I guess I'm needed now. See ya! :)